The Unconventional Misadventure of Sonia Perkins
by ewgandalf
Summary: Sonia Perkins thought the world she was living in was reality. Until 1/2 a year ago she found out where her real home was. She thought the worst was over as she settled into her new home of Carasheim until a Dragon attacked leaving her adoptive sister and herself isolated. This time she's not the only one lost as they undertake an adventure to slay a Dra.. New chapter: Ch 5 Ch 6
1. Sonia Perkins

_The Unconventional Misadventure of Sonia Perkins._

Disclaimer: I don't own anything belonging to J.R.R. Tolkien or Peter Jackson.

Summary: Sonia Perkins thought she was living in reality. When she wakes up in Middle Earth she finds out that 'Earth' was just a figment of her imagination. Half a year later everything is changed, the parents that she had just begun to remember are worse than dead. She only has her sister Renna to guide her back to her old self. With a nudge from Gandalf the Grey the sisters find out that they aren't the only ones lost as they join a company of Dwarves, a Hobbit and a wizard to slay a dragon a reclaim a homeland.

Authors Note: The Introduction will be narrative but when we get to present time aka her going on the quest it will be Sonia's point of view.

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Chapter 1: Sonia Perkins.

Half a year Earlier:

Sonia bit her lip as she approached the English classroom late. She had dreaded this moment since yesterday afternoon when her mother booked her doctor's appointment. It's not that her English teacher was horrible or anything, It was Sonia herself. Her heart beat raced as she closed the distance between herself and the door quicker than she would have liked. Be still my beating heart she thought to herself letting out a shaky laugh.

Despite Sonia's numerous personality set backs, to be blunt she thought she was hilarious.

The door handle was cold as she closed her hand around it. The school had recently installed fire safe doors. They were like standing stones on a hinge. It had its pro's though. Besides the obvious one of it being fire safe, Sonia had never seen a class of students all come together as effectively as they did trying to push the class room doors open. With a bit of added strength she pushed the heavy classroom door open. Her teacher Mrs. Campion turned to greet her with a nod, waiting until Sonia was seated before continuing the lesson.

This was the last thing Sonia wanted. All eyes in the room stared, some with blank expressions their brains already fried after the morning's lessons, others already gossiping at her expense. Sonia placed her bag down on the chair next to her, at least she was sitting beside something eh?

It wasn't that Sonia didn't like (all) the other girls in her class, or that some didn't like her. Socializing just never came naturally to her. In her mind she was the living epitome of Tony Stark but she always came across more like Castiel that angel from the show everyone was in uproar over.

After 15 minutes of Hamlet the school bells rang, knelling classes to an end.

Students flocked around the lockers pushing and shoving while Sonia made her way as usual to the bathrooms. She locked the door and slumped against the wall waiting until most of the crowd had left.

Her headaches had been getting worse and more frequent that's why her mother had sent her to the doctor. He had been nice and she'd instantly liked him as she noticed the framed poster of Led Zeppelin behind his desk, but there wasn't much he could do but recommend some sleep.

A sharp pain in her left temple came over her all at once. It had her head moving to the right abruptly as if someone had hit her. The pain was inside and she couldn't escape it. She was on the verge of screaming out in pain when a violent flurry of wind seemed to lift her from her feet until she was knocked back on a hard flat surface.

Scanning over herself quickly she did a double take. Her denim skinny jeans were about a foot to long for her and her gray converse were now big enough for her feet to slide out easily. Her black t-shirt and green plaid shirt were hanging from her frame like Harry Potter in Harry Potter and the philosopher's stone.

She felt around her face suddenly self-conscious. Everything seemed to be normal except her hair was definitely a lot thicker, her eye brows were un-kept and her ears felt slightly larger than she remembered. Sonia clambered to her feet looking around in an odd mixture of astonishment and fear. She wasn't in her school anymore, or even anywhere she knew of in Kilkenny. Something about the stars in the sky, they were different something told her she wasn't even in Ireland. Her home, that little Island of the coast of Europe.

She had been lying on what looked like a stone table with sheet's of velvet and furs. Candles were laid around the floor between semi-rotting leaves.

She kicked off her converse and hurried back to where she thought the school bag that had been in her hand should be. It wasn't the same. Her dark gray school bag was now replaced by a dark brown leather pack. Undoing the clasps she opened it up to look inside. An outfit around her size was inside, it was made of some combination of fabric and animal skins dyed a faded blue. Off-white fur-lined the inside of the jacket, a dark brown cloak was buttoned to it and a pair of dark brown boots were placed neatly at the bottom of the bag. Gloves and several other smaller items were placed in pocket inside the bag.

Sonia looked at her surroundings it was late in the night and she didn't see anyone but she still wasn't entirely comfortable with stripping just yet.

Stooping she rolled up her skinny jeans thankful that they at least fitted her in width, before pulling on the leather boots from the bag. She tucked in her t-shirt and removed her baggy plaid shirt and replaced it with the jacket from the bag.

Content with her appearance she straightened up and looked around. Her breath caught in her throat as young woman with blonde hair stepped into the candle light.

She smiled widely her eyes welling up with tears.

"Sonia!" she breathed rushing forward and throwing her arms around her. "I'm so glad your back"

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The sun had not yet come up that morning. Despite the downpour Gandalf could see the sky begin to lighten due east but it would be an hour or two yet before sunrise. News had traveled fast of the Cold-Drake that had laid the great dwarven city of Carasheim to waste, It was one of the Dragons of Angband that had no power of fire or flight.

Anything within a short distance was left motionless, forever in a cage of ice.

Rain pelted down from dark clouds above as His bay horse pulled to a stop. He was a few metres from the towering iron gates of Carasheim. Gandalf recalled his last visit, he remembered colourful markets, dwarven children playing, the smell of freshly baked pastries, and laughter danced through the air.

His company had been requested upon his last visit. A curious young girl had seemingly appeared from another world. Her clothing was not of Middle Earth and she spoke of things no-one in middle earth could even begin to understand.

Strong winds now whistled through the air disrupting the falling torrent before it hit the mud-spattered ground.

Dismounting, he noticed as expected a cloaked figure slumped against gates. Another figure was pacing nearby. Guarding the people who were quite literally frozen in time within its walls. Defending them from any who would wish to harm or loot the city, no matter how futile the action would be; for two young dwarves. The cloaked figure had not looked up at the sound of hooves, but stayed firmly guarding the city of her ancestors.

A long thin sword caught the moonlight through the downpour as the second turned. She watched Gandalf approach, Her light blonde hair stuck to her wet face.

His voice was strong as it carried through the wind to their ears, but grew softer as he spoke."Sonia, Daughter of Siobhan. Renna daughter of Gynna! Lay down your weapons friends, I come with wholly good intentions."

The blondes voice sharp as she spoke "And what exactly would that mean Tharkûn. You are late." The last part was said with bitterness as she turned her back on him again.

"Hold your tongue sister." hissed Sonia from her position by the gate. "It is not his fault that this happened"

Renna whirled on Sonia "Your right for once. It's yours. If we had been here then maybe we could have done something!"

"This fate was inevitable and there is nothing either of you could have done to prevent it!" He shouted gruffly "You should count yourself lucky that you are not frozen along with your kin! And more importantly that you have each other!"

Sonia lifted her head as her teal hood moved back to reveal her pale face.

Eyes gazed back, vacant with a reddened outline that could only be caused by shed tears. She stood walking towards Gandalf. Her voice slightly more civil than her sisters "Why have you come"

"My dears, I am looking for someone to share in an Adventure"

Renna turned her head towards them her dirty blonde hair was dragged up into the violent flurry of wind. A look of kindling interest on her face.

Sonia's dark eyebrows furrowed together partly because of the gale as she considered Gandalfs words.

"What kind of Adventure Gandalf ?" asked Sonia.

He wrapped his cloak around himself tighter "Perhaps we should go somewhere inside, this requires a lot of attention."

She sighed with a nod of agreement.

They were seated in a quite corner of an otherwise crowded tavern. A single candle was placed at the center of the circular wooden table.

"You are aware of the rest of your kin, are you not?" He began.

"Do you know of a way to reverse this-"

"He means the Dwarves of Ered Luin" Renna had cut off Sonia.

Sonia sat back from the table obviously not enough information to contribute to the conversation.

"Thorin son of Thrain, King under the Mountain has requested that I find the remaining members of his Company."

"What would a son of Durin want with us?" demanded Renna.

"Nothing, Nothing my dear. Thorin knows not of who I will find. I think that both of you will make valuable additions to his company"

"We owe them nothing bedsides how do you know they will accept our help"

"Because Thorin Oakenshield and his kin will not be aware of your prior social position. Dwarf women are not abundant to the south of Middle Earth therefore your presence will not be entirely rejected"

"Women are not expected to fight in the south" interjected Renna

"That's a relief" muttered Sonia receiving a swift kick under the table.

Renna sat up straighter "What would we gain from this"

"I can't promise you will gain anything, but what you do gain is up to you" He pushed back his chair and studied their expressions. "I do advise you take my offer" He said making his way to the door.

The rain had now stopped and the sun was beginning to rise. The sky was a vivid mixture of Oranges and pinks between the retreating clouds.

Sonia squeezed through the door before it shut behind him. "Where?, Where do we go, like if we take your offer ?"

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**Hopefully that painted a clear picture of Sonia's personality. The next chapter will be introducing the company so please read! It takes a while to get into writing comfortably so I'm sorry if the first chapter seems a bit off.**


	2. Floating Ale

_The Unconventional Misadventure of Sonia Perkins_

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Chapter 3: The floating Ale.

Gandalf had warned us both not to tell any of the dwarves where we were from. I knew all to well why and I had no problem being vague if they asked questions, not that it mattered much now considering the current state of our home.

Pebbles moved beneath my feet as I walked through The Shire. The evening held a soft breeze that played with my dark hair and sent shivers down my spine from time to time. Looking around myself, I hoisted my pack further up my back.

So much had changed in the past six months. Sometimes I'd wake up and expect all of this to be some sort of dream. I still had all my 'memories' from my time in Earth. I remembered all the books I had read, all the movies I had watched, school, friends and what I thought was my family. I felt like a traitor and I missed them more than my life.

I had started to gain some of my memories from growing up in Carasheim and I was copping well thanks to Renna. When she was seven years old her father was slain in battle, her mother, my mothers dearest friend, was found dead a few weeks after. Ever since she had been my sister.

A sudden strong gust of air reminded me of what I was doing. The winding paths and rolling hills of the shire were soothing. Trees rose up from the ground at random and leaves and conkers littered the ground between little fences where daffodils were scattered among the grass.

Abruptly, I let out a snort of laughter. Renna turned to look at me.

"What?!" she exclaimed suddenly self-conscious.

"Nothing that concerns you"

I had thought back to a few moments ago when I had smiled albeit overly enthusiastically at some poor unsuspecting Hobbit. His heavily crinkled eyes had squinted back at me irked. Despite my enthusiasm at being in Hobbiton having been rejected, I had trekked on unfazed.

Renna tapped my arm and indicated to something up ahead. Through the dim I spotted a glowing blue symbol etched into a round door only a few yards ahead. This round door belonged to a generously proportioned hobbit hole nestled beneath a large oak tree.

After making our way to the door, I knocked slightly. There was commotion deep within the house, my stomach flipped with a mixture of anticipation and anxiety, but no movement was heard on the opposite side of the door. Dammit.

I turned to Renna defeated, There was a look of dry frustration on my face as she smirked back at me. Her pale pink lips curving up towards her eyes.

My knock probably wasn't loud enough. What if it was ? And then they all thought I was rude for knocking louder a second time. How many did Gandalf say would be here ? 12 or 13?

Before I could ponder the struggles of a socially inept Lady Dwarf, Renna knocked harshly.

"Renna!" I whispered through gritted teeth. She smiled smugly as the door opened to a miffed looking hobbit.

Warm light spilled out to the well-maintained patio I stood on as I caught a glimpse of his hobbit hole. No. No. That defiantly didn't sound right. His underground dwelling.

Which I was thankful to find out was not an overly glorified rabbit hole.

"Renna"

"And Sonia"

"At your service." We said in unison.

I smiled brightly to make up for my blunt tone while doing a little bow. My hair found its way into my mouth distorting my expression before I straightened up once again, I looked away momentarily mortified.

Let's just move on to second impressions.

He was only slightly shorter than myself, I had noticed as I took in his neat appearance. His ears were pointed and loosely curled mousey brown hair fell around his face.

Remembering my current state, I exhaled as I was suddenly overly aware of my sweaty, wind-blown face. I quickly rubbed my forehead with my sleeve. Of course Renna looked just as flawless as always. The Hobbit looked us both over and gave us a slightly pained smile before introducing himself.

"And Bilbo Baggins at yours" He stepped aside to let us both in.

I turned to observe his hole again-err nope.

Definitely not what I had expected. Smooth plastered walls curved to match the shape of the door, divided by dark brown stained wooden beams.

There was Elegant lighting throughout the hall in a variety of chandeliers and single standing candles. This accompanied by furniture littered with ornaments and parchment created a homely impression.

I unclasped my dark brown leather pack dropping it in the hall near some cloaks and many other packs. Weapons varying in size and shape were left lazily around. I nearly tripped over a large battle hammer but Wren caught my arm while she was placing her tan and fur pack down beside mine.

My conclusion was decided there and then that dwarves were a hazard.

I placed my bow neatly on top of my back with my arrows leaning against it. My long sword against the wall. I opted to keeping my hunting knives on rather than having to re do my belts.

Renna had strapped her two matching short swords to her pack before linking arms with me as she turned to talk to Mr. Baggins. In my opinion he looked to be on the verge of a mental breakdown as a fork clattered down that hall to his large feet. He picked it up, gave it a quick wipe and put in his dressing gown pocket.

My stomach growled loudly without warning. I hope he didn't hear that I thought while turning from Renna to Bilbo a sheepish look on my face.

Bilbo raised his hands in surrender. "Just go and Help yourself!"

I heard him mutter about being at his wit's end as I made for the kitchen cautiously, The short trip there was nice as I snooped around Bilbo's home momentarily. Renna practically skipped to the festivity.

With the way she had spoke to Gandalf you'd think she hated the dwarves from Ered Luin. Although from my last six months with Wren I had pretty much figured out her fondness for socialising. The memories were all still very vague but I was piecing things together gradually.

She had filled me in on the dramatic back story that had led to the separation of the dwarves while we travelled here. Personally I think it was petty but evidently it's quite serious among the dwarves, specifically the line of Durin, the hosts of our journey.

The babble grew louder and clearer as I neared. I pulled my sleeves further over my hands and soon realized the source of Mr. Baggins frustration. Dwarves were everywhere. Carrying chairs and emptying out the pantry at an unnatural rate. The place was anarchy!

A large red haired dwarf carried three slabs of cheese from the pantry. Bilbo mentioned a cheese knife and and another dwarf with a strange hat shouted back "He eats it by the block"

I held my hands up to my face as I attempted to muffle my laughter.

Wren was already in the thick of it. She was chatting with a white-haired dwarf with a sizeable beard as a larger bald dwarf, whose arms were covered in tattoos, handed her an ale.

How does she do that? I was never great at socializing back home, here in middle earth is even more complicated so I usually leave Renna to do the talking. I bit my lip slightly as I stepped back a bit only to catch Gandalfs eye. He called me over, "A very merry gathering aren't they" he commented looking down at me.

"A bit flamboyant for my liking" I muttered hoping I hadn't come across overly negative.

He laughed at my reply before continuing.

"You're far to timid for your own good my dear Sonia" He spoke handing me a fresh roll of bread. I was thankful for that, I hadn't exactly wanted to battle with some dwarves for a bit of food.

"Not always" I replied taking it with a wink, I had managed to wink successfully without looking like I had just figured out I had eyelids. I Sauntered off then proud of myself.

I took a bite from the roll. It was light and soft, with a golden crust.

I noticed that the dwarves were in fact very cheery. They created a warm and lively atmosphere, I thought to myself while exploring the hallways.

All of a sudden I walked into something very solid and hard, and fell firmly on the tiled floor.

I looked up to see a barrel of ale floating in mid-air. Nope, It was worse than that. Two dwarves were supporting either end of the barrel. Matching smirks on either of their faces at my place on the floor. The first one was blonde with numerous braids in his hair. I could tell he was struggling to contain his laughter. Dumb Dwarf. Who the hell braids their moustache am I right ?

My eyes travelled over to observe the second dwarf. Which only resulted in my cheeks pinking instantly as I struggled to normalize my breathing. He looked younger than the first. His gaze was slightly more intense than the other whose was more light-hearted. His hair was dark brown with eyes to match, unlike the other dwarves his beard was only stubble. After realizing how long I had stared my head dropped downwards instantly. Oh no, He's hot.

The darker one dropped his end of the barrel of ale, receiving an annoyed glare from the blonde as he was left to place it on the ground heavily.

He reached down and lifted me up with his warm hand effortlessly. I hope. I really shouldn't have made it a habit of eating so many cakes and pastries in my spare time. Oh God. Why am I being so self-conscious?

Taking the opportunity he placed a kiss on the back of my hand. Dumb Dwarf. My legs had successfully turned to jelly.

"Kili" said the darker one. "and Fili" said the fairer one as they gave me a quick bow and an "At your service" in unison.

"Sonia!" I quipped with a bow.

"Where do you hail from my Lady Sonia ?" It was Kili who spoke.

I groaned inwardly. Really?! I didn't ask them where they hailed from. Although I knew exactly where they hailed from thanks to Renna. This just got a whole lot harder.

"My home is far from here, you would not know of it if I told you. Besides it matters not, the city that I had once called home no longer exists the way it once had." Both statements were 100% true. They may not be about the same home but I definitely wasn't lying.

Fili looked up from the barrel of ale, a look of confusion and interest on his face. He seemed to think for a moment before patting his brothers back and indicating that they continue carrying the barrel of ale towards the dining room.

Kili hesitated obviously not as satisfied with my answer as Fili was.

"Forgive me if I offend you my lady, Do you mean to say that you no longer have a place to call home ?"

"I and my sister do not" I didn't care about the awkward atmosphere I had created as I allowed myself to remember what had happened.

_My steps echoed through the otherwise silent throne room as I left slamming the great engraved wooden doors behind me. My father's head in his hands and my mother's face stern. Her eyes bore into the back of my head as I had stormed out. Usually I would leave what ever debate I had with my adoptive parents for more private circumstances. This was different, I had ignored the guards who stood on either side of the room with their long deep blue cloaks hanging behind them as I stormed in only minutes earlier._

_Maids moved out of my way with kind faces and warm smiles only to gossip as soon as I walked on past them._

_I saddled Deas hurriedly before riding out of the busy court-yard at a gallop. Her hooves clopping loudly. I didn't stop till I reached a grouping of pines. Deas slowed to a trot. I leapt from her back stumbling until I fell to the ground coughing out angry tearless sighs. I clutched tufts of grass in my fists as I knelt on the quickly freezing-over ground._

_"Sonia! Wait!" Renna rode towards me and leapt from the back of her sand coloured pony, Sandy. I know, very creative. She had named her when she was 7 years old. I had waited a few years until I started riding leaving my pony with a slightly more decorous name._

_I was in a valley, large moss green mountains rose all around me. The sky was a blue and vibrant bluebells were scattered through the high grass, they were each gathering a layer of ice that spread like wild fire all around me._

_I stared at the earth mesmerized as Wren placed an arm around my shoulders. I saw ice form and flow rapidly covering grass, weeds and dirt; freezing them solid. It was a sinister bliss and I felt the hair raising on the back of my neck. I stood feeling dizzy. My ears were ringing. I heard Wren gasp beside me as my mouth fell open slightly._

_"Come on Sonia, we should really go back" trying to comfort me she hugged me before standing "And we should tell someone about all this Ice"_

_Feeling anxious I paced before mounting Deas again. My pride gone as I decided to return back to the city. I nodded to Renna as I urged Deas back the way we had come._

_The ringing in my ears was soon replaced by muffled screams and wails each stopping abruptly only to be replaced by more. Renna's face was white. I felt like a bucket of ice had been dropped on me. My stomach fell and my face turned cold._

_I urged Deas on faster rubbing her speckled grey neck as her dark main whipped me in the face._

_I inhaled icy cold air and my hands suddenly craved friction. The wind stung my ears as I began to slowly climb up the bank towards the high city walls that were now frozen with a layer of thick ice with large protruding spikes. An eerie and unnatural silence hung in the air. Everything was wrong._

Tears prickled my eyes, I fought desperately to prevent them from falling as I blinked them away. Turning from the two dwarves before me as they looked downwards. I was suddenly over come by the strong desire to tell them everything. I knew that they probably understood our loss better than most people else ever would.

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**Okay, I hope you enjoyed that! And there will be more Kili / Sonia in the next chapter along with my attempt at humour. Please Review if you want me to continue, have any ideas, or helpful criticism. I'm not going to publish another chapter until I get enough reviews for this one so please please please review!**


	3. Authors Note

**Not a Chapter**

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For those of you who started reading before the updates. I've added a prequel chapter to the start. It's set 6 months earlier when she arrives in Middle Earth. It also shows her in Earth so it just gives you a better idea of Sonia's personality.

PS: Currently working on the next chapter so it should be up later tonight.


	4. Romeo and Juliet

_The Unconventional Misadventure of Sonia Perkins_

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Chapter 5: Romeo and Juliet

At this point in the night, what I had hoped was all the dwarves, were seated at the dining table. The reign of terror had begun the second I took my seat beside Renna. Food was flung in every direction and I had to dodge a mushroom and a piece of pork already. A red haired dwarf to my right had caught a slice of meat in his mouth, all the dwarves had shouted and laughed, well they shouted about pretty much everything I had figured out.

The red haired dwarf seated to my right proceeded to eat most of the food within reach in a truly admirable time. After gawking for a while at the obvious reincarnation of Takeru Kobayashi he turned his head to me slightly and introduced himself as Bombur. I replied with my name and a smile but he was already preoccupied with a chicken leg. I had decided I liked him.

After a few more moments of dodging food, the dwarf named Fili was now stomping over the table ducking beneath the black iron chandelier that hung above. I honestly don't know how he did that without stepping on someone's food. "Who want's an ale?" He bellowed drowning out the chaos. He bent over handing one down to me with a smile "There you go Lady Sonia" he pulled it back suddenly. Oh God. What did I do wrong now.

"Are you old enough to drink an ale ?" He inquired, that smirk returning.

I genuinely wasn't sure, I thought frantically of what the dwarven drinking age was. I was never that into drinking alcohol anyway, _Like when is everyone going to stop pretending it actually tastes nice?_ Renna as usual had taken it upon herself to save me during my hour of need. Regardless of what her intentions were I took the interjection gratefully.

"She is" She said standing with a smile. "And so am I" with that she took both ales from his hands and sat back down.

"Laddie, get off the table!" The dwarf with the bald head and tattoos had interrupted Fili's stumped expression. He took his seat next to Kili who was directly across from me. How did I not notice this particular detail until now. I looked down at my plate now very interested in a potato. I am Irish after all (well I thought I was) our whole county went into famine because one little vegetable caught a cold or whatever it is that happens to vegetables. Anyway as I was saying, potatoes are sacred to Irish people. One million people died in the famine and One million people had to move to places that still had potatoes like america.

Renna nudged me while taking a drink "Do you know him ?" she whispered as she put it down. Frantically I waved her question away. Considering they were just across the table and I didn't exactly want them to over hear.

Renna left her seat and head towards the hall. I pushed my chair back sighing dramatically as I went to follow her. Kili's brown eyes met mine momentarily, he had smiled but I was already turning from him before I could return it. Great. Now he's going to think I'm horrible. It's not even that big of a deal why did she have to get all worked up over it ?

The hall was virtually empty apart from Renna.

"So" she questioned "How did he know your name ?" her mouth twitched into a slight smile as I retold my earlier encounter with the brothers. Leaving out a few things of course.

"Oh Mahal!" she did a kind of half twirl "Ha!" I was getting embarrassed all over again. Dammit. I huffed heavily leaning against the wall, which didn't actually work out thanks to Hobbit architecture.

"What's funny about that ?" I snarled partly fed up with the jeering and the fact that my habit's weren't taken into consideration when Bilbo's house was being designed and built.

She turned to me slightly more serious "Nothing actually. He's from the line of Durin so it could never be"

"Oh so that's why your eager to know why he know's my name, _Juliet."_ To be honest I couldn't blame her it was a pretty good gene pool.

Ignoring my comment and very obvious reference to Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet she continued "Besides these dwarves are different from us, I might not even appeal to him"

"Nahh Renna, your beautiful" I assured as she sat down on the floor beside me.

"I know" she said simply before continuing "but usually by our age dwarven women would have long luxurious flowing beards-"

"WHAT!?" I exclaimed my voice having gone up a few octaves. She looked at my startled expression, mirth dancing in the depths of her eyes. I had always liked her eyes they reminded me of woodlands, an elegant mixture of dark greens mixed with flecks of hazel. She turned to me replying casually "We usually get our beards a bit later"

"You better be joking" I laughed out as I touched my smooth chin.

"No, I'm not didn't you notice mothers ? probably not, she usually let her hair hang past her ears and it's only slight along her jaw" Her voice wavered slightly as we both remembered her and our home. After some time, she breathed out "How are the memories coming along Sonia ?"

I wanted to tell her I remembered everything, that all the times we played as kids, every time I learned a new lesson growing up, being with Mom and Dad and just living in Carasheim were all back. But it felt as if a thick fog hung just before everything. If I could just wave it away I could see everything. Renna did her best, telling me my life story from her point of view, throwing in the odd funny story every once in a while.

I felt like I had betrayed my mother back in earth. I remember getting on her nerves at some point everyday, we fought a lot but I always knew she loved me and I her. It felt fake now, and I couldn't help feeling bitter at everything in Middle Earth for taking that away from me. God this is getting emotional fast.

I suddenly lifted my head at the sound of two voices, standing above us, were none other than Fili and Kili. They were both smiling as Fili stepped forward addressing Renna. "I don't believe I properly introduced myself" he said, taking her hand as she stood "Fili, at your service, and this is my brother Kili" he announced placing his lips to her hand. Oh. I suddenly felt as though I was interrupting something.

"Renna o-" I could tell by the momentary shit scared expression that went as soon as it came, that she had come pretty close to giving away our ancestry. Ha haha. Mental note to tease her about it later.

"At yours and your family's!" she corrected flawlessly. hmm, apparently that was the correct response. Renna: 1 Sonia: (pretty sure it's a minus at this stage but I'll be generous) 0.

They had then waffled on asking numerous questions that I let Renna take. Of course it was all along the lines of 'Where are you from' and 'why don't you have beards' *dramatic internal scoff* like Kili could talk. Which he wasn't I had just noticed. I looked up and saw that his eye's had been on me as I had stared glassy-eyed at the floor. I had probably looked like an idiot.

His dark brown eye's studied my expression as I looked up and made eye contact with him. "Will you and your sister be accompanying us on our quest to reclaim Erebor" he asked, with his oh so charming voice. My face reddened at the mere proximity of us and in that moment I was thankful for the golden glow the candle light dispersed through the room.

"Ahm" I coughed out testing my voice so I didn't sound like bloody Morgan Freeman "Gandalf proposed the idea to us, whether or not the leader of this company accepts or not will determine if we are coming with you" I ended lamely looking down at my feet. Not that he wasn't easy to look at I mean Hot damn have you seen his face ? Perfection. My cheeks flushed even redder as I was suddenly over come with the irrational fear that he could read my mind. Don't flatter yourself Sonia, this is not twilight.

Down the hall a bit, we each heard Bilbo exclaim loud enough for us to hear "confusticate and bebother these dwarves!" Rude Bilbo. Rude. He had then proceeded to complain about us to Gandalf, who just stood there smoking his pipe until a dwarf (with and obvious fondness for knitted cardigans and mittens) stepped out of the the dining room holding a plate. His face was softer and more boyish looking than any of the dwarves I had seen so far.

"Excuse me Mister Baggins but what should I do with my plate ?" He asked politely. Before Bilbo could answer Fili called over "Give it here Ori" catching the plate that was thrown from down the hall, barely missing Renna's head as Kili pulled me out of the way. Oh sweet Jesus he was standing behind me his hand closed around my arm. I could feel his breath tickle the back of my neck despite him being at least half a head taller than me. He felt warm and I relished in the few seconds I stood there till I pulled away.

For a moment I thought this was going to turn into west side story as he dramatically stepped back and began to sing (nope) "Blunt the knives and bend the Forks" in a low voice.

All the dwarves were joining in now. Flinging Bilbo's cutlery, plates and bowls around the hall and into the kitchen where bifur washed and dried them.

Blunt the knives and bend the forks!

Smash the bottles and burn the corks!

Chip the glasses and crack the plates!

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates

Cut the cloth and trail the fat!

Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!

Pour the milk on the pantry floor!

Splash the wine on every door!

Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl;

Pound them up with a thumping pole;

And when you've finished, if they are whole,

Send them down the hall to roll!

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!

Bilbo rushed into the kitchen expecting most of his precious fine china smashed on the floor, his face dropped slightly when he saw that everything was stacked neatly on the kitchen table. All of the dwarves thought this was absolutely hilarious as they laughed loudly. Personally I thought they were all getting high off Gandalfs second hand smoke.

They stopped laughing suddenly as two large knocks were heard from the front door. Gandalf turned to myself and Renna gravely "He is here."

Cue The Imperil March.

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For those of you who don't know, The Imperil March is the Darth Vader theme music. Please Review! they get updates out faster! ;) And Thank you for Reading!


	5. Thorin Freaken Majestic Oakenshield

_The Unconventional Misadventure of Sonia Perkins_

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Chapter 6: Thorin Freaken Majestic Oakenshield

Smoke rose from the end of Gandalfs' pipe. He hadn't broke eye contact with us as Bilbo marched towards the door, exasperated. The dwarves eagerly flowed out of the room at his heel. Standing close to their brothers. I turned my attention back to Gandalf, he took a few slow steps around the table to stand in front of us both, as the last of the dwarves emptied out of the leaned on his staff, looking down at us "Please make an effort to keep out of sight" his voice was low "at least until I find the opportunity to introduce you both" He said gruffly, before heading towards the entrance hall, with long strides.

We stood to the back of the group, where our bags where left. I noticed another bow amid the pile, slightly more weathered than mine, I briefly wondered who among the company used it. The feathers at the end of the arrows where a dark yellow. My thought snapped back to the door as the last dwarf entered. His hair was black with one or two white streaks brushed back, despite this he did look a bit younger than a lot of the dwarves present, that or he was ageing rather gracefully. I assumed this was Thorin Oakenshield of the Line of Durin, as everyone lowered there heads to him.

"Gandalf" he greeted, stepping over the threshold. He threw a smile towards Fili and Kili, who in turn, smiled and nodded their heads slightly.

"You said this place would be easy to find" He continued addressing Gandalf, who just puffed his pipe slightly.

"I got lost twice" He said, his voice low and rough.

Something about Thorin Oakenshield made me want to shrink into myself, It was clear that he was not the type of person you wanted to cross. He had an aura of power about him, in spite of not actually being in possession of his throne.

"So" he said circling Bilbo "This is the Hobbit" He came to a stop before Bilbo, questioning him directly.

"Tell me, Mister Baggins, have you done much fighting? Axe or Sword, what is your weapon of choice ?"

Bilbo paused shortly; thinking, then he proceeded to smile smugly as he puffed out his chest "Well I do have some skill in conkers if you must know"

I let out a blunt laugh/snort unexpectedly. Kili moved blocking my view of Thorin (It's like those cheap cinemas all over again) He inclined his head to me a little, sending me a disapproving but amused look.

"Thought as much. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." said Thorin, gruffly. Everyone laughed at his incredibly witty joke. I was reminded of school, when a teacher attempted to make a joke in class and everyone forced out loud laughs in trying to get off a bit of homework.

Back at the dining table everyone was seated, the atmosphere a stark difference this time round. Thorin was seated at the top of the table, swallowing the occasional spoon of soup. Apparently that was almost all Bilbo had left. I unintentionally looked at Bombur sitting to my right, who had the dignity to smile back at me sheepishly.

Thorin acknowledged all the dwarves present at the table until his eyes fell on myself and Renna. She met his gaze directly and I followed suite. He looked as though he was about to say something when Gandalf spoke up "You requested that I find the remaining members of your company, Thorin Oakenshield. And here they are"

"I do not believe you are treating this quest with the importance that it requires" his voice was toneless, like he was trying to cover up his reaction "You cannot expect me to bring women on a quest" he finished letting out a low laugh. Most of the company stared at us and some looked anywhere but us. I scowled at the table while Renna focused on glaring at Thorin. I could feel my cheeks heating gradually.

"In my lifetime I have seen men do great things, through greed, pride, revenge and the hunger for power they carry out monumental feats. Women have a different kind of strength, I think, compassion, love, the instinct to protect and put others first. I believe, that in the end, that is what this quest will need more than anything" he ended gravely, wrapping his hand around his cloak and giving the company a quick once-over.

Thorin glanced at the dwarf with the tattoos as he spoke with his loud voice "The wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves!"

"That is true master Dwalin" said Gandalf "however that should not be a problem here, I have chosen, Lady Sonia who is a skilled archer" Thanks Gandalf, no pressure there at all "and Renna who has mastered the art of sword play" well I definitely can't argue with that. I brought my eyes up from the table to meet the gaze of the company.

Thorin's icy blue eyes scrutinised us from the top of the table. He exhaled "Fine. Balin, give them the contract"

The table erupted in cheers of delight as the contract was handed down the table along with a pen. I took them both and signed my name handing them to Renna. The company proceeded to introduce themselves which ended up sounding like some bizarre rhyme.

"What news from the meeting in Ered Luin? Did they all come?" asks Balin once the racket had started to die down a bit. "Aye, envoys from all seven kingdoms" replied Thorin gruffly.

"And what did the dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us? Thorin hesitated for a moment before answering Dwalin "They will not come." I looked across to Kili, he along with the other dwarves muttered in some language, visibly upset by this news. "They say this quest is ours, and ours alone."

Gandalf gestured towards Bilbo who had paced in the hall behind Thorin "Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light." As Bilbo left the room, Gandalf unfolded a map that had been somewhere inside his grey cloak "Far to the East, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak" He placed the map on the table and pointing to the mountain, as Bilbo brings in a candle.

Bilbo leaned in between Thorin and Gandalf as he read absent-mindedly from the map "The Lonely Mountain" Gloin the dwarf with the dark red beard with all the clasps thumped his fists on the table "Aye, Oin has read the portents, and the portents say: it is time."

The dwarf in question, Oin confirmed the company of this "Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain as it was foretold. When the birds of the old return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end."

"Uh...what beast?" inquires Bilbo looking around for an explanation. "Well that would be a reference to Smaug the terrible, chiefest and greatest calamity of our age. Airborne fire breather, teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks, extremely fond of precious metals." said Bofur light heartedly as he took a break from his pipe.

"Yes, I know what a dragon is." insisted Bilbo. His intelligence (unintentionally I'm sure) having been insulted.

Balin sat forward "The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us, but we number just fifteen, and not fifteen of the best, nor brightest"

"Hey! Who are you calling dim?" The dwarves began to shout. Again. I groaned as Renna joined the uproar.

Fili who was sitting just across the table from us "We may be few in number. But we're fighters, all of us! To the last dwarf!" He said slamming his fists on the table. "And you forget we have a wizard in our company, Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time." adds Kili. For the next few moments the dwarves argued over this until Thorin stood from his chair furiously "Enough!"

"If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for sixty years. Eyes look East to the mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor?" there was a round of cheering.

"You forget the front gate is sealed. There is no way into the mountain." spoke up negative nancy once again. "That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." said Gandalf pulling a key from thin air and holding it before the company. Thorin gazed at it his mouth slightly open. "How came you by this?" he said obviously on the verge of bursting into tears.

Personally I'd be a little angry if I found out someone had hidden the key to my mountain in their pocket.

"It was given to me by your father, Thrain, for safekeeping. It is yours now." said Gandalf handing it to Thorin.

"If there is a key, there must be a door!" decided Fili. Must refrain the urge to slow clap.

"These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls." spoke Gandalf pointing to the map.

"There's another way in" marvelled Kili, grinning. Obviously the line of Durin is playing 'who can state the obvious the most' tonight.

My eyes lingered on Kili for a while as Gandalf spoke "Well, if we can find it, but dwarf doors are invisible when closed. The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map, and I do not have the skill to find it, but there are others in Middle-Earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth, and no small amount of courage."

Once more I couldn't help myself as I snickered. "No, Sonia the 'small' part is not a joke in reference to the fact that I am in a room full of fifteen dwarves and a hobbit" He said dryly while Kili winked at me from across the table, a few dwarves tried to cover up their laughter with coughs. "But if we're careful and clever, I believe that it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar." declared the dwarf known as Ori. "Hmm. And a good one too." observed Bilbo "An expert, I'd imagine."

"And are you ?" Inquired Gloin as everyone turned to await Bilbo's answer. "Am I what?"

Oin, who listened through a little horn clearly heard wrong when he exclaimed "he's an expert!"

Bilbo looked more offended and flustered than ever "Me? No! No, No, No! I...I'm not a burglar." He then continued to refuse any claims that he had ever led any theft related lifestyle.

Suddenly Gandalf rose from his chair as the room darkened "_ENOUGH! IF I SAY BILBO BAGGINS IS A BURGLAR THEN A BURGLAR HE IS!_ Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they choose, and while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of a dwarf, the scent of a hobbit is all but unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage. You asked me to find the sixteenth member of this company, and I have chosen Mr. Baggins. There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest. And he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself."

"Give him the contract." Renna passed the contract up the table to Balin. He rose to his feet holding the contract "It's just the usual summary about the pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth." He said passing it to Thorin who in turn passed it back to Bilbo.

"Funeral arrangements, uhh ?" says Bilbo, flipping through the contract, muttering it to himself.

He turned over another page "Incineration?" Bofur leaned around Thorin "Oh, aye, he'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye" Bilbo's face paled considerably. Placing his hands just above his knees and leaning over, he exhaled and inhaled sharply.

"Ye alright Laddie ?" asked Balin.

"Huh? Yeah, I fe..." he took a breath.

"I feel a bit faint"

"Think furnace, with wings" added Bofur helpfully.

"I...I...I need air" with that I pushed back my chair, it screeched loudly and everyone bar Oin looked my direction. Renna looked startled "Son-"

"Flash of light, searing pain, then puff! You're nothing more than a pile of ash!" continued Bofur as I pushed passed him. Thorin turned around in his chair.

Bilbo thought for a moment then looks over at the dwarves "Nope" he squeaks out before fainting. I did a kinda skip/jog thing before catching him not as ungracefully as I would have thought.


End file.
